SEX, Self esteem, and ME !
by: Dorothy Lafrinere
I have touched on so many emotions in the past and I am still feeling the need to share yet another. I have spoken on women’s issues mainly, yet trying to keep men on a fair plain, mainly due to the facts and studies that more women experience self-esteem issues and jealousy monsters than men. Most of our emotions are gender friendly, except of course the ever so dreaded PMS and Menopause thingy. Although I have heard in passing that men do go through Menopause in a similar way. I will leave that for another article! (wink) If you have noticed throughout my blogs, that I have tried to remind everyone that I am speaking of both genders, even if I keep saying women. This is after all, a take off from my women’s self-esteem website.
I know you are all wondering, hmmm, “What is this article going to be about?”
Well.. it is going to be about “SEX”! Now I know I have your attention!
Is it not strange how anything that has the word, “SEX” in it, catches every ones eyes. Oh, do not even say, “Not me”. It is a three letter word that has more punch than Mohhamad Ally`s fist. No offence meant there. On a more serious note, SEX is definitely a key in ones well being, or higher self esteem. When we feel sexy, we can jump the highest wall and climb the tallest mountain. Yes, I am speaking to adults on this one. After all, it is when we reach adulthood that life becomes so complicated, and all the insecurities begin to control ones mind. We also find”SEX”. It is so a part of what makes a very stable beginning to a relationship, which one hopes flows into a marriage partnership. Again, please do not say, “I never had premarital SEX”. My parents had it, so I know everyone else in the world did too. Okay, I will maybe let 10 people get away with it. I am trying to incorporate self-esteem with relationships because a lot of what goes on between a man and a woman will trigger off ones deep inner emotions such as self esteem.
I have asked a few people of both genders, this question: “Why do people eventually forget what they have at home?” Is it because one or both have stopped trying to impress the other? Hmmm. Why would one stop trying to look good for their mate? Do you want your mate to fantasize of someone else in order to have SEX? (harsh, I know, but it is a truth) Do you talk to you mate in bed? Why not? After and during SEX, is the best time to talk to each other. Life is sweet after SEX and no one wants to get off the “Good feeling plateau”. The answers I received were shrugged shoulders to start with, which is really sad. It was more like, “DUH”. One man actually was excited to give his answer, “Damn, I agree”. That was about it. Again I say, “Sad”! Men and Women need to learn how to talk. I mean talk about their true grit feelings. Example: “Baby, am I sexy enough for you, I mean is there anything I can do to make you want me more?” Or if you desires something different from yours partner in SEX, you should be able to ask it without the fear of hurting the others feelings. Or having to calm them down from an, “Oh, so you don’t like me the way I am?”!!! We all fall into a first impulse scenario, especially if we have even the slightest insecurity. SEX is suppose to be fun and open and raw. Women, listen to me now, your man loves your body, he really does. SEX is non judgemental. That’s what I like about it. Passion through SEX is the most natural emotion that we have been blessed with. Why? It is because it is involving true emotion, there is no room for worry or before thoughts, which I call fabricated emotions. Once we have turned the wheels of the SEX engine, we are good to go. It is pure and clearly set.
Our bodies become our maps to nothing but good feelings and becoming one with our partner. Our partner is no more thinking of a movie he saw, or the perfect person that crossed their paths, than they are about work the next day. It is just the two of you, it is purely sweet SEX. We allow ourselves through our weaknesses to put up walls that keep us from opening our self to our partner. We know we crave them to become one with us, to inhale their oh so sweet body smells, and to feel the sexual adrenaline flow through our veins. Is that not enough to break down the walls of worry and insecurities? Many partners do not even know whats going on when their partners are in this stage of detachment. They will be tempted to take it as a rejection. We all know that once we feel rejected, we tend to not ask questions, thus closing the doors. SEX is totally the last thing on your mind when you feel that, resulting in both parties now setting up walls. What I am saying here is that it is soooo important to communicate with your partner. If you do not feel sexy or you just think maybe you smell bad, (shush), you are committed to tell them. When one knows that the other is not into SEX because they are feeling low about themselves, the norm will actually try very hard to break down those damn insecurity walls. That’s where TRUST and SEX are joined. With out those two friends, there is noooo orgasms. I know everyone luvz those. To get orgasms you must engage in SEX. There is no need for words, or I dids, or I did not`s. It is just REAL FEELINGS between two people. Can you actually say after SEX with your partner, that you feel low or insecure? NOPE!..well HELLO then, maybe it is time to look at SEX as not just a perk in a relationship. Time to look at SEX as an answer to bringing your lows to highs. People pay good money for therapists, and ruin their bodies taking drugs to get those feelings. WHY, when we have the cure right in front of us? And with a willing partner at your feet to do your bidding? Need I say more? It’s probably the first thing one shuts down when they feel their self esteem taking the wrong turn. Well then in that case, you need to address it immediately and grab your partner and just have SEX. Don`t laugh, I am serious. Tease each other, make each other laugh. It will take one second of body play to get the veins filled with hot blood, that triggers off your sexual appetite, then it is the big “O” from there! Oh and guess what, no more low self esteem feelings. WOOT!!!
One`s self-esteem rises and falls like waves!
Once it hits bottom it is time for emotional housecleaning and much needed SEX!
About The Author
This article was posted on August 1, 2005